Ed Edd N Eddy 8 Mile Rap Battle
by Mr. Charles
Summary: Just a rap battle between your favorite TV show characters. Who will win? Eddy, Kevin, Johnny, Ed, or Jimmy(eh). This shouldn't be taken seriously.
1. Chapter 1

**Ed Edd N Eddy Rap Battle**

**Round 1 Kevin Vs Eddy**

**8 mile beat**Eddy Go!

"Look, Yo. Everyone from the Cul-de-Sac

throw yo hands in the air cause Kevin's whack

Look this guy ain't a rapper

He really is a red cap wearin cracker

He jacks off in his bike that ain't real metal

Oh look, I see white stuff on yo pedal.

He think he hard

He think he bad

But I fucked him up in front of his dad.

This guy talks all about Nazz

But be ready when she gonna reject yo ass

He can't even say a thing I ain't heard

Yes I'm Skipper and yes I'm a turd

But I ain't an internet nerd

This guy likes bikes and a girl

But I'm still here sayin FUCK YO FREEWORLD."

The crowd cheered. Kevin picked his mic. He tried to emit something, but he stopped. Kevin had choked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rap Battle 2**

**Edd vs Rolf**

**The winner faces Eddy in the playoffs.**

**ROLF Go!**

"Look...Nana I hope your proud...Yo, yo.

Ed-boy why do always wear a sock

And Rolf doesn't understand your talk

Your weaker than my chicken, Gertrude

And you correcting people is rude

My Nana is ten times the size of you

And...And... You like the way Rolf stutters

Why don't you go home and clean your gutters?

So... POPPYCOCK! Rolf ran out of rhymes. By the way Ed-boy, where is your chain doo-hicki" Rolf threw the mic at Edd.

"Look, Rolf, you were alright. I mean you don't know a lick of English but...

Yo, look, my vocabulary, it's interplanetary

That means it outta this world, man

That's why you're not sanitary

You think you're cool but you're lame

You girl from imaginary world, my is from Spain, dang!

This boy is sick, and I got your girl on my dick.

Her overaries are still wet from my spit.

Sorry for being out of character, but your raps are shit.

You just asked me where my chain at.

I guess it's like your girl, it ain't came yet.

You always talkin about you Nana

I see a tear. Why don't you crying back to yo mama!"

The crowd applauded. Edd had clearly won!

**Rappers:**

Eddy

Kevin (eliminated)

Edd

Ed (vs Sarah)

Johnny (vs Jimmy)

Jimmy (vs Johnny)

Rolf (eliminated)

Sarah (vs Ed)


	3. Chapter 3

**RAP BATTLE**

**Sarah VS ED**

**Ed! GO!**

"Sorry baby sister... I... I... I just had to do it!

Okay, Sarah, you can call me dumb

Same jacket and I do smell like a skunk

But I'm still rowdier than Rod Piper

If she bullies me again, Imma strike her!

It's all cause I'm crazier than 88's

And that thing in the fridge is what I create

Yeah I like to keep a smelly cheese

But at least I ain't in love with DOUBLE D!

I'm a Child of the Corn, Been wild since I was born

But I killed this beat now let's mourn!"

The crowd cheered as Ed handed his little sister the mic.

"I'm telling mom!" Sarah yelled. She ran to her home.

"Ah, guys I'm grounded." Ed told his friends. Unfortunately, Ed and Sarah were both eliminated.


	4. Chapter 4

**EENE Rap Battle **

**Johnny vs Jimmy**

**AU: I decided to add more to the battle. Show I got instrumentals. The first one isn't a full instrumental, but it will do. I don't own EENE or these instrumentals.**

** watch?v=u_2U9xhUQU0**

**Johnny GO!**

"This one... is for you Plank. RIP

Uh, Broke people are greedy

Yeah, I'm talkin to Eddy and Jimmy

Yo girl is always screamin

No wonder she always mean and... my buddy Plank is dead

Man...This one's close to the heart

I won this rap battle from the start

I don't respect none of y'all

That's why I say your all associates

But in reality, your not even approachin' it.

I don't care if I win

But I know I did

Fuck you, I know I did. Man what's up?"

**Jimmy GO!**

** watch?v=5enH9g-kh6Q**

**(Make sure it's at :10 seconds before Jimmy raps.)**

"Uh, you underestimated me greatly

Most teddy bears ever, How long did it take me?

Knowin Plank is dead is my arsenal

Imma keep on pokin' it cause it's personal

Alot of people been callin me gay...so what

But my rhymes are forever here to stay

We all know how that piece of wood was takin out

The termites got it him and he couldn't even shout.

Beating you in a rap battle is as easy as cake, like the one's I bake

Straight.

Now, Plank..."

Bang! Johnny threw a punch at Jimmy. The force was enough to shatter Jimmy's skull, killing him. The cops came and arrested Johnny. Both were eliminated. The kids were still determined to keep on rapping.

"Guys, my mom said I can still rap! AND GET THIS! My mom grounded Sarah and is whipping her with a wire!" Ed ran to the group. Ed was re-entered.

Next, the playoff tournament.

Eddy

Kevin (eliminated)

Edd

Ed (playoff contender)

Johnny (arrested)

Jimmy (deceased)

Rolf (eliminated)

Sarah (eliminated. Whipped with wire)

Nazz (has to enter for Ed)


	5. Chapter 5

**EENE Rap Battle**

**Edd vs Eddy Playoff**

**EDDY GO!**

"You see I live a life filled with scammin and jawbreakers.

And I ball straight like the Lakers

I don't what you say Sockhead

Mess with me and you'll end up dead.

What are you? OCD

Or more like a wanna be

Of the guy from that movie

Can't remember the name

But that still doesn't explain why I think your insane.

When a scam fails, I'm the one to blame

Shut Double D or should I say TITY!"

**EDD GO!**

"Alright, Eddy,

Your a scammer with no boundaries

i think your bound to see

That ghosts of your past are coming

For your head

And they won't stop until your dead.

You think your a badass like Bruce Willis

But I can still soar over you like Peyton Hillis

I got a mind state of a winner

When you thinking about summer time, I'm thinking about the winter.

And guess what, this rap is hot

like Pac

I can't stop

My bars are like rocks

And I keep you mean like Sarah

Ed Edd N Eddy will last FOREVER!"

**AU: Who do you believe won? **


	6. Chapter 6

**EENE Rap Battle**

****The crowd cheered for Edd. Eddy was eliminated.

**Okay, now Ed go!**

"Okay.

Look Nazz

I really wanna see your ass

Can I get a pic?

Or are you still riding Kev's dick

That boy looks like Evil Tim

Dump Kev cause I am tougher than him

I know...that I may be retarded

But remember that time where we started

To actually fall for you

All of us had no clue

Now, who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!?

Comin to huff puff tough up your "wool"

I'm done"

By the time Ed had finished, Nazz was crying. She ran away by default making Ed the winner.

**ED V Edd coming up.**

**But before that, we have a loser tournament.**

**Rolf vs Kevin**

**Winner vs Eddy**

**Au: I'm running out of EENE jokes, aren't I?**


	7. Chapter 7

**EEN3 RAP BATTLE**

**LOSER TOURNEY **

**KEVIN VS ROLF**

**KEVIN SPIT**

"Imma not choke this time

because I got hot ryhmes

Rolf, your on the hotline

Spittin on Gertrude, not lying

People underestimate me but I become the outlier

Your wash up like a house fire, that bang tho

Don't know how to speak the lango

And you don't like Nazz so your fruity like a mango

Adding to the fact that you'll never be my equal

Watch me as I settle in

Yo house that got me messin

With your Nana, I got you crying 'Waa Waa"

Haha Is it ROFL or Rolf

I got my weight up like bulk... Kev"

**ROLF GO!**

"Kevin boy... you got some...what is it... BARS But Rolf... always wins

Uh, Rolf ain't chicken like that dude

Red hat and has a fetish for Gertrude, We heard you

You think your the man, but I'll bottle you like can

With a gun I lay you down

The sound... of a bullet makes you cry

Then, Rolf looks you in the eye

Tell you why

Then, you say Rolf is a savage like Randy

And I like Nazz cause she sucks Rolf's candy

Ain't that dandy

You can't see

Rolf's customs cause your a stupid American

And you lust, don't you know thats a sin

I can hurt anyone by the letter

I'm talking A, B. C, etcetera... beast"

**A/N: WHO WON!**


	8. Chapter 8

**EENE RAP BATTLE**

**LOSER TOURNEY**

**Rolf was the unanimous winner **

**Eddy vs Rolf**

**The winner of this battle gets $1,000,000 and a trip to Hawaii.**

**(Youtube and Paste this)**

** watch?v=JU8str1KZxo**

**Eddy! GO!**

"Eddddyyyyyyyyyyy

That's me

Eddy

That's me

Edddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyy

That's me

Eddy

That's me

Uh, Rolf you ain't nothin

Scamin yo money

While takin your milk aaannnd honey

I'm a G.O.A.T. like Victor

Greatest of all time

You need to go back to home country, before you start crying

I see a tear, knowing that your hurt

My money stupid, not a dumb bitch, K. Stewart

Rolf isssss a weirdo

That shit about your countryyyy

Is small news, like Frodo

Cop lights, White lights, Jawbreakers killin' them Life Savors

Every rap you in is always mentionin' Gertrude

And Kev... I saw Nazz nude."

(Youtube again and paste this in the search bar)

watch?v=XokkMPDQC3Q

"Uh, Rolf will not tolerate

Shortest Edboy trying to exaggerate

His height because he's a pint

And who's this K. Stewart, oh that's right

Rolf knows nothing about your customs, but he knows one thing

Edboy stays up, all night, like porch lights

Rolf knows it

The son of... a Shepard who knows it

Edboy has no brains like a lobotomy doo hickey

And why is your hands always is sticky

He who is shorter than Nana's pet dog

Can suck on Rolf's log."


	9. Chapter 9

**EENE Rap Battle**

As the crowd cheered for Rolf, Eddy spoke up, "Rematch! You Urban Loser!"

"Very well, Rolf accepts."

**Uh oh, we got a rematch! Eddy go!**

**Youtube Instrumental **

** watch?v=WZgq5VYqcAg**

"Uh, I'm a natural born scammer

I hit you hard like a hammer

When a chicken loses control, Rolf tends to whimper

The Eds I am with

The money I got

Don't ever seem to leave me

Me and Ed are like a mouth full of peppers

Black Jawbreaker, with a red core, I call it playin' checkers

Rolf your an idiot, with a breath kickin' like a kick boxer

If your broke ass needs money, I'll be happy to connect ya

Cash like Johnny, Banks like Ashley

Burnin' like a Camel Light; stupid ho, ash me

But don't ask me shit about me."

**Rolf! GO!**

** watch?v=479usFHO6vE**

**"**Rolf herds goat like these are his last days

Fight Rolf if Edboy is as tough as he says

Uh, Rolf has this rap in the bag

Eddy is lamer than Eddboy's hat

Yeah, Rolf puts it down like Rolf's hands hurtin

Rolf will jump up high and land perfect

Edboy is, how you say, a hater

Your ass will be crying later

So let Rolf show you how to scam

Double D Eddboy say learn from mistakes, well, that's why he hates me

Rolf has some hate with Eddy, to Rolf is fair weather

Cause Edboy has no money, unlike Mayweather

Rolf is a fighter, he doesn't quit

But Edboy is whack cause he acts like shit

You got no barz, aka lines

And they say never say never, but fuck it nevermind

Rolf has been unused for long, EENE and on

Haha Rolf will be gone,

Yeah and I'mma Goat herdin, Eddy is hurtin

Sweat runnin down Rolf's neck, yeah I know it

With my chickens goin wild, I bet you can hear it

Edboy needs a napkin before he stars crying."

Who won?


	10. Chapter 10

**EENE Rap Battle**

**(Freestyle Time)**

**This is a freestyle between the Losers**

**(The Eddy vs Rolf is still in voting so VOTE! Rolf is in a deficit! Eddy's leading 4-3!)**

**Anyways, **

**Youtube**

** watch?v=suF4R2eng1E**

**EDDY GO!**

"Look, my scams are awesome

Eddy, my rap style will blossom

But I ain't a PowerPuff, who's mind will cost him

The whole world that's on his back

Just so he can keep what he loves intact

I'm the kid that went over railroad tracks, just where the scarecrows at

They keep chasin me and corner meet a knife

My head goes splat

Just cause of the fact

That I tried to scam 'em

Let's go."

**Time to hit that Ol' Country! Rolf! Where you at?**

**(Restart the instrumental after ever rapper)**

"Rolf will not quit, because American customs are shit

He must spread his culture like a fire

That water can't hit

On this World Order

That awards people Postmortem

Rolf breaks his back everyday, in every way

He will not stop until the beat stops

And-"

**Wait! Did you say 'he won't stop until he beat stops'**?

"Yes, Rolf did," Rolf replied.

**Nope. Your done. Vote for Rolf or Eddy.**

**Now, let's hit on that red cap. Kevin! Where you at?**

** watch?v=vOEtl1xSlhs**

"Uh, Young Kev. on the beat

Leave you body dead on the street

Don't know why people think me and Edd are gay

They post stories with all this shit that say:

"Edd loved Kevin and Kevin loved Edd"

Ya bitch ass kids know that I got a gun and leave Edd red.

Let me set this straight, I am straight

But I guess it's to late late

For real. Kev."

**Hoooo! Kev finally got those bars! But lets see what Jimmy got! Jimmy- Wait, what do you mean he's 'dead'? Well, where's Johnny? Prison? What the? Anyone else?- So wait, Sarah's getting spanked! We gotta see this! Bye, and don't forget to vote for Eddy and Rolf!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Youtube**

** watch?v=uDltM9qJDJ0**

**EENE RAP FINALE PT 1**

**ED V EDD**

**Winner gets it all 100,000,000 million dollars!**

**Eddy beat Rolf with a 7-3 blowout**

**(Stop the beat)**

** watch?v=DNBHVlobUeE**

EDD GOOOOOOOO!

(Intro)

I put oooooooooon

I put oooooooooooon

I put on

I put on

I put on

(Verse)

Yo, who really trying to mess with me

Edd aka Double D

My raps leave Ed in the wake of a killing spree

This boy is too stupid to know how to spell M-E

He can't tie his shoelace

And he betrays us- Two Face

Yeah, I'm a turtle, but this is a rabbit race

New to the rapping

But atleast I know how to shower and stay clean

Now, Ed I may come off mean

But your vision needs to be clear- Visine"

**Ed! You go!**

** watch?v=taHR0A1eaWc**

"I said tell meeeeeeeeeeee

What's really goin on

Ed back to rappin and I'm killin it, right or wrong

Edd you're nothin but a coward

Who likes to make fun of people who ain't graduated from Harvard

Yeah, that's right

I'm feelin it tonight

Power when I'm back

Just call me a powerback

Or maybe a running back

But who really is keepin track (Get it) of the fact that I'm back and I pop up like a cap

Ohh, Edd I bet you wished you had that

Instead of that old stinky hat that looks like shit from a cat

Nazz, I love you

I told you I'll admit

I just love the way you walk with that thick ass

Got an Ed about to spazz

But I'm mello like Jazz

But that ain't the point

I came to make Edd feel outta point

I saw Edd get a C- in Cooking

Chickens everywhere, and gravy on everything

and E.D. stands for and D.o nothing.

Out."

**Who wins round 1!? **


	12. Chapter 12

**EENE RAP BATTLE**

**Finale Part 2/2**

**Ed vs Edd!**

**Ed is leading by 1 vote (I believe)**

**Ed go!**

**Youtube**

** watch?v=2HRON782soM**

"Uh, I'm the face of Ed Edd N Eddy

Green Jacket and stupid and funny

Sheldon jr. back in and he's ready

Edd you're actually dumber than Eddy

I have Havana turn to Atlanta

Ed and Eddy are the true scammas

Money, Jawbreakers, and Gravy

Edd is only smart cause he's not lazy

I do know one thing fo sho

It's somethin Edd prolly wants to know

Every time we scam without him it works

So from now on, Edd, is a no show

I got nothin against him

But he is NO LONGER my best friend

I know this rap must've got to him

Here comes tears, their about to begin."

Edd looked visibly shocked at the rap. As he began to talk, however, three unwanted denizens popped up, "KANKERS!" Ed began. Just as May Kanker jumped on Ed, Edd ran to help his friend. The other 2 Kankers ran towards Eddy and the others. As Edd ran, he punched May, to no effect, so he got dirty. He grabbed a crowbar and raised it in the air.

"MOVE YOU HEATHENS!" Edd screamed as he viciously swung the bar. All 3 Kankers were shocked that Edd was fighting back. As soon as a bar hit Marie, the Kankers ran. The kids looked at Edd, including me. Edd looked at them, or us, "It's over!" He screamed.

(Start the beat)

"Imma start a revolution

Jawbreakers and scams are my illusion

Magic tricks off the hat

Hit Ed and Eddy with a baseball bat

Yeah, I got a C in Cooking

But at least I'm not foul enough for feet to start cooking

Someone needs to teach you some manners

Got an Edd about plan somethin

This whole crowd looks suspicious

It's all dudes in here, save for these bitches (Points at Ed and Eddy)

I know if it wasn't for me your scams would kill someone

BPS happened and you almost killed everyone."

**Who won? BTW, I'll have a epilogue as to what happened to the winners and rappers. **


End file.
